Yay, it’s Answer Friday and I’m getting on a plane in five hours! Must try to nag/flirt my way into first class. But for now, onto some pressing issues:
Dear Jane,
Can guys fake orgasms?
June
Anchorage, Alaska
June,
In Alaska, I’m not so sure, but I live in LA where most guys are actors, so they can fake ANYTHING. Here’s what would happen: they’d make groany moany sounds and then a big “aaaaaugh!” and then they’d run off to the bathroom and flush the empty condom. So if you’re really wondering whether your guy is a fakey fake, get your paws on that rubber before he runs to flush! Or slip a tiny video camera into the reservoir tip before sex.
xo,
j
Dear Jane,
This question was ironically inspired by one of your recent blog entries. I've heard a lot of girls complain about bad kissers before but they never say what MAKES it bad. What do girls look for in kissing (besides a clean mouth cuz I can take care of that part)? I just don't wanna end up being someone else's "Captain Shitty Kisser." If it's not too much trouble please answer. Thanks.
Frog Prince
Kansas City
Dear Frog Prince,
Don’t let your tongue sit there like a limp noodle, but don’t let it be a roto rooter either. It should be somewhere in between, kind of a swirly thing, like you’re tasting frozen yogurt in slow motion. And if the other action (humping, touching, etc ) gets heated, then the tongue movement should accelerate – in blender speak from a swirl to a whip, but definitely not a puree. Hey, I just realized that you've inspired me to come up with the perfect advice to give MY Captain when I see him! Thanks, Frog Prince! Good luck to us both!
xo,
j
Dear Jane,
I’ve been with the same guy for 8 years and I don’t think he’s going to marry me. I’m 36 and feel my biological clock ticking. What should I do?
Sally
Atlanta
Dear Sally,
Here’s what you should do: Get a clue and break up with him! Eggs, unlike delicious sperm, don’t last forever.
xo,
j
Thassit! Have a great weekend. Will report back on my adventures with Captain SK on Monday! Meanwhile, if you want to see more “Good Girls Don’t”, send a quick email to [email protected]
I found this blog on a google search and boy am I glad I did. I thought I heard someone mention it in a free chat room.
Awesome read!
Posted by: Free Chat | July 20, 2008 at 10:57 PM
Hello! Such good site! Offensively, whatever I knew about him before
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Jane,
Pretty close to the toilet technique. He would malk some noises and a face then dispose of it before she got a chance to see it.
Just more proof that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Posted by: L-Boogie | August 16, 2004 at 12:43 AM
l-boogie: how exactly did he fake it? did he do the condom to the toilet technique? (cuz i just made that up!)
xo,
j
and frog prince, you rule.
Posted by: jane | August 15, 2004 at 02:19 PM
Yes, men can fake orgasms. My husband did it with previous girlfriends. (Before we ever met.) He said sometimes he was really hungry and just couldn't wait. So I am always sure he is well fed now!
Posted by: L-Boogie | August 15, 2004 at 12:39 PM
Jane, thanks for the advice. That may not be EVERY girl's cup of tea, but it sounds pretty enjoyable, at least enough to satisfy the average gal. I'll try and practice next time I get ice cream. I'm also glad my question helped you out too. Kinda funny how that came round full circle. Hope neither of us are left disappointed.
Have a fun trip and if it doesn't work out gimme a holla! (hahaha) Cuz after all, as a wise person once said, "It's not easy being green."
-Frog Prince
Posted by: Frog Prince | August 13, 2004 at 12:00 PM