August 20, 2004

Yay, it’s Answer Friday. But actually, I’ve decided to do Answer Monday instead because I have a little story to tell about a smog inspection and a Russian boy. For you non-California type people, out here we have smog inspections every year to assure that our vehicles won’t spurt out dirt which makes smog. (And yet, every night at dusk there’s a yellow-brown haze on the horizon, which makes me think I better enjoy life while I can cause I’m doomed in this hip yet polluted state.) Anyway, yesterday me and my entry level car went to a garage next to a carwash for our inspection. And a 30ish burly bearded guy named Vlad strutted out and bragged that he owned the place and then got right to work. I sat down on the only ripped up vinyl chair there and pretended to be into “Car and Driver” magazine (July 2002 issue, I’m a good actress.) Anyway, he kept talking to me, but between his thick accent and the loud as fuck fan sounds, I couldn’t understand a word he said. So I kept asking him to repeat himself, and i STILL couldn’t understand a word he said… so I just smiled and nodded. After he finished revving my car up and grinning a lot, he turned off the fan, handed me a receipt and…

Russian: “What time I pick you up?”
Me: “What?”
Russian: “What time for dinner?”
Me: “Dinner?”
Russian: “You nodded ‘da’ that you like Tunisian food! I know owner, he give us free appetizer!”

Apparently, my nodding and smiling was me agreeing to go out that night with Vlad for dinner. Now a NORMAL person would’ve explained the situation and gotten out of it. But guess what? It’s 2:30 in the morning and I just got home from pigging out on spicy hot lamb and vodka. And I danced on a table, but a candle burnt my skirt so Vlad took me to a boutique next door that was still open and bought me another one for only $5. At the end of the night he put me in a cab (with money, a very 80’s move) and kissed me.

Los Angeles may have its smog, but where else can you meet a Vlad and go shopping at 2AM? Okay, besides New York… and Moscow… and probably Paris… but still, it’s kinda unusual out here on the west coast.