July 30, 2004

I just came home from a John Kerry party at a house in Topanga Canyon where I had sex in the bathroom during his speech… the middle, and I was still listening. It was with this hot mactor guy (mailman/actor) who’s much smarter than you’d think. He loves Kerry and over pizza and gin he talked about how important it is that we all band together and support him. (Our legs were touching as he ranted so I knew it was goin somewhere!) I think this was the naughtiest, hottest, filthy-dirtiest thing I’ve done since having sex with the Pep Boys mechanic last Sunday under his Volvo on a wheely thing. And lemme tell ya, that wheely thing gives ya some nice motion.

But moving along, it’s time for ANSWER FRIDAY! Here’s my not-always-right opinion about some e-mailers’ issues:

Dear Jane,
i DID cover the convention and I had sex with the NBC news assistant sound man. Jealous?
Yolanda
Syracuse, New York

Dear Yolanda,
Yes. Green. I’ve always wanted to be named Yolanda.
xo,
J

Dear Jane,
I’ve been having internet sex with a young guy in India (behind my boyfriend’s back). Does that count as cheating?
April
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Dear April,
WELL, first of all, you’ve just made me very hungry for sag aloo. But I do think it’s cheating. I wouldn’t want my beloved to do that to me… on the other hand, if you think of it as outsourcing, then you’re just helping the economy. I think. Economics isn’t really my area. (is it even economics?) Ah, go have an orgasm, ya big inter-slut.
xo,
j

Jane,
I think my brother fucks horses. I’m not sure, but he’s a rancher and I’ve actually seen him do it. Should I tell someone?
Anonymous
Montana

Dear Anonymous,
Ew, ew, ew. Not only should you not tell him, you shouldn’t have told me. Ew, ew, ew.
xo,
j

On THAT note, time to go to sleep. Have a great weekend, kiss, laugh, drink (unless you’re in AA or driving), pet a puppy (unless you’re driving and he’s way in the hatchback part) and watch GOOD GIRLS DON’T on SUNDAY at 10PM.