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July 2, 2004
Happy Fourth of July. This morning as I was coming out of starbucks with my latte, a scruffy looking man on a pay phone said hello to me. i said hi back, then he said into the phone: “I’m looking at a very pretty woman.” I half-smiled, half-looked away, and then he added: “Sorry, I just got out of jail this morning.” So I made a quick decision and flashed him my boobs. And let’s just say, in my ENTIRE life i haven't made a man that happy. It felt really good. I almost felt patriotic. In another country, I would’ve been stoned to death for doing that, and he would’ve been stoned to death for doing whatever he did instead of going to jail. Bottom line, yay America.
The only problem with this 4th of July weekend is that it’s only two days long. What’s up with that? Isn’t a holiday weekend supposed to be a minimum of 3 days, then people take a fourth day off because everyone else is? And then sometimes a fifth and before you know it, you have a 9 day weekend? Two days is bogus.
But nevertheless, we must all enjoy it thoroughly. No work, all play. Here are some of my suggestions of things to do:
Leave work now (Friday)
Eat red white and blue things
Say hi to a cop
Pet a puppy
See fahrenheit 911 with a republican
Wear sunscreen
Gain weight
Have a cigarette in a no smoking bar
Take a bubble bath while eating a turkey sub
Sleep with someone in the military
Or sleep with someone who has a family member in the military
Or just sleep with someone who owns army pants
And remember, if you wanna break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t do it during a holiday weekend, wait till Monday, it’s the right thing to do.
FREEDOM’S FUN, HAPPY 4th!!
Posted by Jane on July 2, 2004 at 03:00 AM | Permalink
Comments
Hey Jane,
What a great blog! I'm not sure how I stumbled across it (I'm sooo sleep deprived right now),but I'm totally hooked. It's fiery, smart and funny, but also very sweet. Thanks for the uplifting holiday message. I think you should get a medal (or at least community service credit) for action above and beyond the call of duty. I think it sucks that you don't even get a three day weekend. I hope you at least got some fireworks.
I can't believe what just happened. The Santa Monica fireworks started going off as I was writing that last sentence. 9:00 PM. Very, verrry cool. I think I'll sign off for now. This great TV show just came on...
Posted by: Destiny | Jul 4, 2004 9:14:32 PM
happy 4th to you and yours may it be a safe one too
Posted by: shelli | Jul 4, 2004 7:17:34 AM
Jane, I must say I admire your courage in flashing men in the street. More people should be so selfless!
Also, about being "stoned to death." That almost happened to me once at school, but I took some pills and went to sleep and I felt much better in the morning.
Happy Fourth!
Posted by: Mark S. | Jul 3, 2004 6:35:16 PM
shelli:
hells yeah!
xo,
j
Posted by: jane hastings | Jul 3, 2004 1:16:32 PM
Is it the same if I sleep with someone who once was in the military?
Posted by: shelli | Jul 3, 2004 5:13:00 AM
scott,
happy birthday! thanks for the blogliment. (compliment + blog). check out the show on oxygen this weekend, too, if ya get a chance.
xo,
j
Posted by: jane hastings | Jul 2, 2004 11:06:47 AM
just randomly reading your blog on my 18th birthday before goin out to party.. figured i'd say hey and great blog
Posted by: Scott | Jul 2, 2004 10:54:47 AM
